don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
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Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
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It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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