I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
