He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
