Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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