Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
