Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
