Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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