My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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