Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
