marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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