I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
