I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
