I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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