The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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