so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
