we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
