I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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