I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
