There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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