he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
