Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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