It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
