am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
