I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
