What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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