oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
