Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
