I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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