You really coming over, don't trick.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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