I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
