I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
