Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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