I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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