I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
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Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
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It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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