He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
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I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
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Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize