i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
