Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
