I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
