I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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