So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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