she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
