Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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