Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
