Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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