I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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