I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
