4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
