So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
