the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
