i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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