I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
