The beer is more important than you right now.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
