erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
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she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
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DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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