she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
