Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
