I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
