They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
