dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
